The British Championships: Utter crap can be so much better then excellent…

The British championships were on, finally, this weekend (18th June). And, as expected, the God of surf didn't play us a good hand. Howling 28mph wind and small, rubbish surf. Giving us the best contest ever. Confused? Well, it's a bit like a Chuck Norris movie. They are utter crap, just awful. You wouldn't watch one on your own. But if you had a group of mates over, and a few beers, you'd all watch it and laugh your asses off.

8am - there were waves out there. Miles out there

The howling wind, had everyone hunched under the tent and everyone just goofed, told tales and laughed. My abs are killing me and I don't know if it's from trying to paddle out countless times or from laughing. Pete Kane was on form. We all laughed at his tale of not remembering the location of the secret hiding please for the key to his brothers house. So they all had to sleep in their vans… But at 4am Pete woke up and remembered where it was!. We all laughed as I skewered my thumb trying to fix a quad belt. I laughed too as I tried to stem the bleeding. We even laughed as I found out it wasn't rain that made my jacket wet, Sam Jone's Jack Russell had pissed on it.

You see, when the surf is good, people get competitive. Isolate themselves from the group, put headphones on and get into 'heat' mode. Groups of people who know each other break off into little splinter groups and it can feel team vs team. Sort of South vs North vs Wales. Performances begin to matter. Saturday, we all just hung out and it was brilliant. Spending time and enjoying the company of people you realise you've only facebooked with, Such as Shaun Holmes. What a first rate dude.

Aside from the good company, there was a lot to be proud of. The quality of the ski's was brilliant. I know it sounds snobby, but in years gone by, contests were held with only a handful turning up, and often tatty old ski's that looked like it could have been Jesus's first ski. If anyone happened to turn up from TV, sports council or even the ASP, we'd be able to puff our chests out with pride. Jem's Ski's with intricate artwork as beautiful as ever. Pete's uber-cool Barbarit RTM. Stunning finished Pro-designs and a flete of spectacular weapons from the Scientist, James Hawker at future Waveski's. So many different shapes, rockers, widths, designs. No one could say we were the poor cousin of any sport.

Quality and quantity

As for the performance. It was savage out there. Beatings a plenty. For the first time in 30 years of waveski surfing, I actually got flipped… by the wind! Not a wave - the wind just flipped me over. The good thing was, we all got into the spirit. Taking the piss, laughing at each other. I even said to James Hawker that if he managed to get out the back I'd eat a shit. As in a dog shit. Now, I was supposed to bring 2 or 3 ski's with me. As my car was broken, the rental the garage gave me I could only fit one ski in. I had agreed to bring the big wave ski as it'd be easy to paddle out on, and James wanted to use it if it was windy. Was it windy… yes. Did I bring it? No. I brought a tiny 19" wide ski. James had his tiny 19" wide ski. Much to my utter disappointment, james did make it out the back, and after his heat, Elaine told me he was off to find a shit for me to eat!

James struggling to get back 6kg ski vs 28mph wind. This just before he searched for my shit-snack!

As for the contest itself. It was a bit of a shame we couldn't show up and blow up. The waves were rubbish. I thought, from the early rounds the gold was going to go to Mark Trise, but he was more unlucky than the rest with the waves. Last time I saw him on his wavemaster was a year ago, and he looked a bit awkward on it - he still had the 'new ski wobble' but he was looking mighty in the contest. Twice I saw him take off, finding loads of speed, wind a big bottom turn and the wave just faded. Had it held up, he'd have smashed it. Also, Steve Tickle. He does this thing we now call 'the Tickle-turn'. He paddles for a wave way too far out on the shoulder. You think he's going to blow it or do a softie, but he does this weird semi cut back into the pocket, to a bottom turn that looks really cool. I watched him do the same thing on a biggish day at a South Coast secret spot. It looks so stylish.

Sam Jones - with quad, and a bastard of a paddle to come

I managed to watch Jem catch probably the wave of the day in our final, but I was so exhausted, I just sat and watched. Then the wind caught my paddle and smashed it into my face. Jem took much delight at that. I could see him laughing as he surfed past. The usual suspects were as talented as expected, but conditions didn't allow the show we all wanted. Kieron Davies looked like his new ski and him would be spectacular. KD's not much of one too talk up is talent, he lets his surfing do that. So if he excited about the new ride - expect something big!

The Legands.

There were four guys, who with out doubt are total legends. These are as follows:

Pete O'kane: Judged the whole contest, battered by the wind and rain. Ran the length of the beach to update the boards. Apologised time and time again for the waves and was too busy to see everyone was loving it.  Never stopped providing the laughs and the scoring. A solid gold dude.

Steve Chivers: Steve did so much too keep all happy. Don't let Steve fool you, he may have a casual way about him, but he is super competitive. He loves to win. Yet, he gave up his time to check everyone was ok, enjoying themselves. Even getting into the water late for his heat as he'd run around to get food for us all. Now, a special thanks to Steve and Pete. Pasties were on the menu, me being a veggie, I only mentioned that I'd not eat one. Would have been easy for Pete and Steve to think 'Tough - go with out' but no, they tuned up with Pizza's. Not one, but two, as they overheard that Denzil too was a veggie. He even provided coupons for a couple of free beers each. That is going the extra mile. That is why it was such a great day - cos they cared. Chiv's is a legend for good reason.


Chris Skardon: Keeping it running, keeping us informed. All the emails. The judging, he never stopped running over to who's lost/won/updates... back to judge. We'd not have been together if not for Skarsy.

Thirdly Denzil: Epic fella. Turned up, just to help and judge. Out in the wind rain, sorting scoring etc. None of us offered to judge as much as we could have, issued preferring the shelter of the tent, the food and the good times. Denzil explained the judging to some, to others who and why they were scoring, and was excellent company. His contest in September will be epic, and this is one dude who deserves for it to be well attended.

Dreadding the paddle!!

Regrets.

I only have two regrets. firstly missing faces. Rudi was sorely missed. He does so much for the sport and is such an epic dude. You'd not have been bummed so much at the lack of surf had Rudi been there. He seems to bring sunshine and good moods with him. He'd laugh and go out no matter how shit. It did seem as though something was missing without him. The other, Adrian 'Thorny' Thorn. He'd not believe how much he was spoken about in his absence. I was looking forward to the 'Copp and Thorn' show. A very sarcastic dude, and he's have made some legendary remarks had he'd been there. Conversations like 'Thorn called it right', I could see him having it empty and offshore at home. Not a fan of contests, but is presence even if not competing is needed. Him and Pete Copp are one of the things you look forward too. Seeing their little squabbles and fights. We've even considered getting a sticker made up, a bit like the Christians W.W.G.D (What would God Do) with W.W.T.D (What would Thorny Do). Thorny has become the unofficial barometer as to if to go out n surf!

Secondly, that it was only one day. As shit as the surf was, the time I had was epic. I'd do it every weekend. I was in such a shitty mood on the way home as I had to go to a  wedding and would rather have stayed and gone for drinks, the company was so good. It's just solid - a group of true dudes. I even had one of my famous 'Hulk' angry episodes as the surf was so bad, nobody gave a shit or judged me. South Coaters know I'm angry white trash - the rest of you might have thought I was nuts. Seems most you all knew about my shouty-ness. 

So back to my Chuck Norris film analogy. It's not the film that's good, you laugh cos of who you watched it with. Maybe if the film was good you'd all sit in silence and watch. Maybe if the surf was epic it wouldn't have been as much fun? Sometimes, shit can be better than good. You can look up who won. But as far as I'm concerned, we were all winners. For those of you who didn't or couldn't go. You don't know what your missing.

Next time - show up n blow up!